She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Randomize
