there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
