barbara walters just said penis...
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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