You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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