hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
