I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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