If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
