My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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