im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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