Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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