I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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