i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
The beers last night were like the tears from god
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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