screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
