I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
