i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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