Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
