Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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