I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
