I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
