smell my finger.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
