Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
