I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize