so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
