Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize