So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
