the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize