I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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