I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
you inspire me to be a worse person
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
