Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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