hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
