he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
