i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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