8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
