I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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