he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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