Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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