Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
