I want to make a zoo with you.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
