My friends, they love my intelligence
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
