The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
