Apparently you make a good broom.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
