I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
