he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
