Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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