So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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