chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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