and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
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