So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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