i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize