So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
She even gives head with a lisp.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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