new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
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