Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Randomize
