I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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