you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
