explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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