grandma shit on top of the toilet
we're chasing vodka with high fives
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
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