Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
