operation harelip BJ is a go
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Randomize
