I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
