Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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