make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
