We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
