She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
she told me i tasted like america
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
