I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
