Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
So gin and wine won't be happening again
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize