i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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