This is not my ceiling
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
