Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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