I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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