Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
