Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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