would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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