I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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