Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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