Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
