Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
