No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
