there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
